Press!

DOOM did not update last week because DOOM was waiting for the press to call!  DOOM knows his reveal was big news and expected to be hounded by the paparazzi and legitimate press!  But DOOM was wrong!  DOOM does not like to be wrong!  Being wrong makes DOOM angry!  No members of the press corps called DOOM!  No paparazzi staked out DOOM's apartment where he blogs angrily!  DOOM was ignored!  This hurt DOOM!  This hurt DOOM worse than a punch from the Thing!  DOOM is sad!  DOOM knows it looks like his mask is some sort of acrylic or glass compound!  DOOM knows this movie will likely fail!  But DOOM just wanted to be recognized for his contributions!  Instead DOOM was ignored!  And so now DOOM will channel his sadness into anger!  And DOOM will destroy the press one printed newspaper at a time!  DOOM knows no one buys them!  So DOOM knows it will be easy to find and collect and burn them!

Decisions!

DOOM does not like to make decisions!  DOOM likes to act!  Sometimes when DOOM has to make a decision he relies on his most trusted advisor:  Magic Eight Ball!  Magic Eight Ball assists DOOM often!  DOOM wants to know if he should crush his neighbors for their insolence!  Magic Eight Ball says "Not at this time!"  DOOM wants to know if the boy who plays the hip-hop at all hours should suffer!  Magic Eight Ball says "Outlook hazy ask again!"  DOOM wants to know if DOOM should have the bagel with cream cheese or the toast with jam for breakfast!  Magic Eight Ball says "Yes!"  Today DOOM had a personal question for Magic Eight Ball!  DOOM needs guidance more than ever!  Magic Eight Ball has abandoned DOOM!  The only answer DOOM is getting is a blank!  DOOM does not approve!  DOOM wants to know why you have forsaken DOOM, Magic Eight Ball!?  Why!???!

Cell Phone!

DOOM was excited to get his first smart phone!  DOOM could not wait to use Siri to find and destroy his enemies!  DOOM did not realize that smart phones are not evil armor friendly!  One tap on the screen and DOOM's new electronic world came crashing down around him!  DOOM is not happy with this turn of events!  DOOM curses the grave of Steve Jobs!

Cough!

DOOM has been coughing!  DOOM does not like coughing!  Coughing echoes in DOOM's helmet and hurts his ears!  Do not mock DOOM for his sensitive ears!  DOOM will destroy anyone who laughs at him!  Well, DOOM will destroy you as soon as he is done hacking mucus all over the inside of his helmet!

Snack Cakes!

DOOM has been quiet!  DOOM understands this!  DOOM apologizes for those who hang on his every Tuesday and Thursday updates!  But DOOM is a busy man!  And lately DOOM has been busy trying to find a way to defeat the accursed do-gooders who foil his every plan at world domination!  DOOM grows tired of their meddling!  But DOOM has figured out where they get their power from!  DOOM has seen it time and again!  A villain is close to victory when suddenly a Hostess Snack Cake, or pie, or other delicious treat is used to distract them!  And then the hero wins!  DOOM does not approve of this tactic!  But DOOM does approve of the light fluffy crust and delicious fruit filling of a Hostess Pie!  DOOM is hungry!  It is time for DOOM to eat!

Brackets Part 2!

DOOM laughs at everyone who's brackets were decimated by failure over the weekend!  DOOM does not know failure!  DOOM only goes with a sure bet!  And in DOOM's bracket DOOM is the sure bet!  DOOM is undefeated!  Just as DOOM should be!  Bow down mortals!  DOOM is your bracketology master now!

Brackets!

DOOM has made his own bracket!  DOOM enjoys gambling!  But DOOM enjoys winning more! Behold, therefore, DOOM's very own bracket! And DOOM cannot lose with his bracket!  In DOOM's bracket DOOM always wins! Ha ha ha ha ha!

St. Patrick's Day!

DOOM loves St. Patrick's Day!  DOOM loves any day that encourages doling out pain to innocents!  DOOM just wishes he could do more than pinch you if you aren't wearing green!  DOOM would much rather just shoot you!  Although, DOOM does take great glee in knowing his pinches with his armor hurt a lot more!  DOOM found the Punisher who wasn't wearing green!  DOOM will make him pay!  Oh yes, DOOM will make him pay indeed!

Poop!

DOOM doesn't know who this man is, but DOOM approves of his criminal activity!  As long as this man stays away from the DOOM-mobile!  DOOM is proud of his car, and DOOM does not want to have to clean poop off of his wicked awesome decals!  However DOOM cannot help but chuckle at the juvenile humor and anarchy of this man and his wandering late night poops!  Bravo unidentified pooper!  Bravo!

Mud!

Spring has started to...spring!  And DOOM is glad the snow is melting!  But DOOM knows this means that the ground will be nothing but mud!  DOOM hates mud!  Mud gets in everything!  It gets in DOOM's armor and makes everything gross!  And when the mud dries, the joints in DOOM's armor will not move!  When this happens DOOM is stuck, usually in a ridiculous pose!  DOOM will not be the unwilling subject of a humorous photo gallery or Tumblr blog again! DOOM hates winter, but DOOM hates mud as well!  Damn you mother nature!  DOOM hates you!

Throne!

DOOM sees what you are doing Marvel!  And DOOM does not approve!  The only villain who should be sitting on a throne monologuing is DOOM!  Just because a megalomaniacal robot has delusions of grandeur does not give him the right to steal DOOM's thing!  Thrones are for DOOM!  Do not forget that Marvel!

WMD!

Today DOOM laughs as he watches the discussion of nuclear weapons!  DOOM cares not for these silly concerns!  DOOM has only one WMD that he cares about!  And DOOM does not care about agreements between nations!  He is only concerned about agreements between stuidos!  Because then DOOM can wield his gauntlet!  And all shall kneel before DOOM!

Paranoid!

DOOM knows someone is out to get him!  DOOM is not an idiot!  DOOM knows!  DOOM is prepared!  Some say DOOM is paranoid!  But DOOM does not care what those people say!  DOOM knows they only say that because they are out to get DOOM!  DOOM will not fall!  DOOM shall overcome!

School!

DOOM did not post last Thursday because DOOM was on his way to the Latverian School of Science!  DOOM is taking continuing education courses!  DOOM has to keep his certifications current if DOOM wishes to continue to take over the world!  Even evil geniuses and angry bloggers have to keep up on current technologies and world dominating plans!

Cold Again!

DOOM has complained of the cold before!  But DOOM is becoming increasingly bitter about it as the temperature drops!  DOOM is so cold, DOOM is willing to swallow his pride and befriend the Human Torch!  DOOM hates the Human Torch!  DOOM finds him cocky and annoying!  But DOOM wants heat!  And that's the one thing the Human Torch can guarantee!  So if you are reading this Johnny Storm, DOOM wants to know if you would like to hang out!  DOOM can provide several movies to watch and can even make popcorn!  We could even do that thing in the picture!  Even though the memory of it makes DOOM shudder!

Technology Fail!

The picture is of my Network Administrator!  His name was George!  George's technology failed Tuesday and my blog update was not posted!  DOOM cannot abide failure!  George failed, so George had to pay!  DOOM is currently looking to hire a new Network Administrator!  DOOM hopes whomever he hires is more competent!  DOOM would hate to have to kill again!

Wait, who is DOOM kidding here!  DOOM loves to kill his peons!

Telecommute!

DOOM wishes he could telecommute!  But DOOM's experiments require hands on work!  And DOOM is not foolish enough to have dangerous equipment like this in his apartment!  Therefore DOOM must commute to work like all you foolish peasants!  DOOM hates you, and he hates having to lower himself to your level!

Wallpaper!

DOOM wanted to share his wallpaper from his PC!  DOOM likes his wallpaper!  It makes DOOM feel warm inside when he sees it!  DOOM feels everyone should make this their wallpaper!

Sick!

DOOM was sick the other day!  DOOM does not like being sick!  DOOM's mask is not built for being sick!  Do you know how long it took DOOM to clean his mask?!  It took DOOM hours to clean his mask!  Hours!  DOOM does not have time for that!  Especially when DOOM has diarrhea!  DOOM had a very bad couple of days!  DOOM is done speaking of it now!

Trailer!

DOOM was pleased to see this trailer available online!  Until DOOM watched it!  Where is DOOM in all of this?!  There is no DOOM!  Why is there no DOOM?!  That is a good question!  A question that makes DOOM angry!

Video Games!

DOOM wants to be in a video game!  DOOM knows he would be a grand digital champion villain!  DOOM would destroy Link and take Zelda as his own!  Or DOOM would ransom Zelda and not let some uppity punk with a sword and healing fairy defeat him!

Relationships!

DOOM is not a shipper!  DOOM does not like to get that involved in characters!  DOOM shipped once!  DOOM thought Darla would be better off with Spanky!  But Darla loved Alfalfa!  DOOM has not gotten over the humiliation of that!  Therefore DOOM refuses to ship fictional characters!  Although, secretly DOOM ships Mary Worth and Judge Alan Parker!

But DOOM knows that will never be!  This saddens DOOM!  Because DOOM knows these two were meant for each other!

Squirrels!

DOOM saw a squirrel run across a power line yesterday!  DOOM does not like squirrels!  DOOM does not trust squirrels!  Squirrels have beady, shifty eyes!  DOOM knows they are up to no good!  Also, DOOM cannot stand their patron saint and sworn protector!  She annoys DOOM to no end!

Cold!

DOOM never thought he would sympathize with Captain America!  DOOM hates Captain America!  But if Captain America felt as cold as DOOM does right now during his 75 years on ice, then DOOM feels pity for him!  DOOM is cold!  DOOM does not like the cold!  It makes DOOM's armor very uncomfortable!  DOOM does not like being uncomfortable!  DOOM's armor is very cold to the touch!  And DOOM's armor is touching him all over!  DOOM feels like Phoenix might be a good base of operations right now!

Still Hungover!

DOOM is not going to lie!  DOOM had a bit too much to drink New Year's Eve!  DOOM still does not feel good!  The pounding in DOOM's head is incessant and unending!  It tortures DOOM!  And therefore DOOM will torture in return!  Damn this hangover!  Damn this headache!  Damn the world!

New Schedule!

DOOM has grown tired of the Monday-Wednesday-Friday schedule!  DOOM has therefore decreed the new schedule will be Tuesdays and Thursdays!  DOOM is pleased by this new schedule!  That is all!

New Years Resolutions!

DOOM hates New Years Resolutions!  DOOM is perfect the way he is!  DOOM does not need to resolve to do better!  The only thing DOOM resolves to do is destroy the Fantastic Four!  DOOM will also eat fewer Eastern European pastries!  This is not because DOOM is having trouble fitting in his armor!  This is because DOOM said so!  Yes, that is it!  It is because DOOM said so, and only because of that!